How many times have we told someone: ‘It’s okay, don’t worry.“ – And when we make a mistake on our own, we can’t forgive ourselves for years?
Self-forgiveness is one of the most difficult, but also the most important forms of inner peace. While we find excuses for others, we often judge ourselves the strictest.
1. Expectations for yourself
One of the main reasons why it is difficult to forgive yourself is that we expect perfection from ourselves.
When we make a mistake, we perceive it not only as a mistake, but as ‘evidence’ that we are not good enough.
Psychologists point out that high self-criticism leads to feelings of shame, guilt and self-deprecation – and these emotions make the process of forgiveness difficult.
2. Illusion of control
People often believe that they could have prevented what happened, that they ‘had to know better’.
This need for control creates a false sense of guilt: we think we could have changed the outcome, although this was often not possible.
Facing that we are not omnipotent means accepting our own vulnerability – and that is not easy for many.
3. Internal critic
There is a voice in us that constantly evaluates, reminds and condemns.
This internal critic often repeats the sentences we once heard from a parent, teacher or partner:
‘You should have done better.’
‘How could you do that?’
When that voice takes control, it is difficult to find peace – because we constantly feel that we are not worthy enough to forgive.
4. Fear that forgiveness will mean justification
Many believe that if they forgive themselves, it means that they approve of what they have done.
But self-forgiveness is not an excuse – it is taking responsibility without self-destruction.
It’s about understanding that we are people who learn through mistakes, not about erasing what happened.
5. How to learn to forgive yourself
Forgiving yourself does not mean forgetting.
This means admitting a mistake, understanding the circumstances and learning the lesson.
Here are a few steps that help:
- Accept that you are not perfect.
- Talk to someone you trust.
- Write down what you learned from a mistake.
- Remind yourself of the moments when you were good to others – and apply it to yourself.
Conclusion
Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, but of emotional maturity.
When we learn to be gentle with ourselves, we understand others more easily.
Because only when you forgive yourself, you stop constantly taking the movie backwards – and you start living in the present.
