What does it mean when it’s nicer to be alone than in a relationship?

Sometimes people realize that they are better off – calmer, safer, more fulfilled – when they are alone than when they are in a relationship. It is not always a sign that something is ‘wrong’ with them or with a relationship; It can have many different causes. Here are the most common reasons, how to recognize it and what to do with it.

What does it look like – typical signs

• You feel relief when you are alone, and in a relationship you often feel tension or loss of yourself.
• Time for yourself recharges your batteries more than joint activities.
• It’s easier to make decisions when you’re alone.
• You feel that in a relationship you have to ‘act’ or adapt in a way that consumes you.
• After a break or a shorter period of loneliness, you feel more clarity and satisfaction.

Possible psychological reasons

1. Introversion and the need for solitude – Some people renew themselves mentally in solitude and experience social interactions more intensively.
2. Emotional Fatigue – If a relationship constantly requires emotional work, loneliness can act as a rest.
3. lack of compatibility -Partners have different values, pace of life or expectations.
4. Fear of losing your identity – In a relationship, you feel less like ‘you’, so loneliness returns a sense of self.
5. Traumas or bad experiences – Previous relationships or family dynamics can make closeness more difficult.
6. social anxiety or avoiding conflict – Some people choose loneliness to avoid stressful situations.

Read our post: What does it mean for psychology when someone prefers to be alone than in society?

When it’s healthy, for example

• If loneliness helps you to be emotionally more stable/stronger/stronger and later enter into relationships more clearly and consciously.
• If you are able to be close to others when you want, but you don’t feel pressure.
• If loneliness does not mean isolation, but choice – you balance between contacts and time for yourself.

When should it become worrying

• If you avoid close relationships because of loneliness, it also causes loneliness that hurts you.
• If withdrawal is related to depression, anxiety or loss of interest in everything.
• If you keep breaking relationships out of fear and never let anyone close to you – that bothers you too.

What can you do (practical steps)

1. Think: Is it about choice or escape? – Write down how you feel in solitude and in a relationship.
2. Set boundaries in a relationship – Say clearly what you need (more space, silence, time for hobbies).
3. Talk to your partner honestly and calmly – No charges, explain your needs.
4. Test compromise – Find solutions that respect your need for space and his/her need for closeness.
5. Work on yourself – Therapy, journaling, self-awareness exercises and activities that fill you up.
6. Give yourself a trial period – see how you feel after changes (more limits, less pressure).

Advice for partners (how to react)

• Do not immediately understand a person as ‘cold’ or ‘uninterested’.
• Ask, listen and seek compromise – not to change a person.
• Have patience, but also your limits – the relationship should satisfy both parties.

Conclusion

Being happier alone than in a relationship can mean a lot – from healthy self-awareness to raw fears. The most important thing is to understand your motives, communicate them clearly and, if necessary, seek professional support. Every person and every relationship is a different case – that’s why sincerity and work on yourself serve.

Cover photo: Photo by Kelly Sikkema he unsplash